We Are The Change That We Seek

If We Just Give A Little, Together We Give A Lot

2010-10-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

"We are the change that we seek." -Barack Obama
"Be the change you want to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi

Sometimes when I see what other people are doing to others, especialy in the gay community, I can't help but think that if they are "being the change" they want to see in the world, then maybe I don't want things to change. If we are the change that we seek, if we're not supposed to be sitting around waiting for someone else to fix all our problems, it makes me wonder why more and more people aren't out there making a real commitment with their time, their money, and their energy. 10%. If people who work full time took 10% of the number of hours they work and became a volunteer for just 10% of the same amount of time they spent at work in a month...think of what all they could accomplish? If people took 10% of their monthly income and donated it, imagine what the recipient organizations could do with that money? Have a few less drinks at the bars, spend a few less hours at clubs, instead of buying that new designer shirt, or instead of sitting a few less hours in front of the computer or the tv...instead turn just 10% of our income and our time into something that will have a lasting impact on generations to come.

Indeed, we are the change that we seek, but we're too distracted to make it real. I wonder if anyone ever stops and thinks about what kind of legacy they'll leave behind in this world. If they ever stop to realize they are mortal, yet given the astounding ability to work with other mortals to change the world for the better of all in it and through that leave an impact on the world that lives on far beyond their mortal existence.

Why A Center (Blog: originally posted July 5, 2010)

2010-08-20T04:22:00.001-07:00

Why A Community Center?

There are two questions asked a lot now that Enid's first GLBTQA Community Center exists: Why a community center? and What is a community center? Valid questions that need valid answers.

What is a community center? A community center is a facility, a place, a building or buildings, that houses programs and activities for an entire community. A community center is operated two-fold: one half is the programs and activities developed by those running the community center, the other half is the programs and activities developed by people from within the community itself. A community center is a place for the community to express itself, where everyone in the community is free to come and participate in community. A community center's programs and activities reflect the community itself. A community center is a place for every person in the community to come in and be able to do something for the community itself, even the people who often feel like outcasts within their own community can find a way to be involved through a community center. Community centers can also serve as a place for community organization, whereby the community gathers, almost like a city hall, to discuss issues and work towards finding resolutions to those issues. Just what happens at a community center greatly depends on the people who come to a community center, the more people in a community that come to a community center and get involved in developing programs and activities as well as running programs and activities, the better it is. In fact, a community center is somewhat like a church. Churches are communities and the buildings are like community centers. Members of a church develop programs and activities and everyone in the church is encouraged not only to participate, but to also develop programs and activities. A community center works the same way, except that churches usually have very specific religious mission statements that they may ensure the programs and activities focus on. This is where community centers differ in that the mission statements of community centers, unlike churches, is focused on the community itself, not specific religious missions. In fact, a community center can house religious groups as well as political groups, social groups, support groups, education groups, advocacy groups, fraternal groups, and so much more!

Why a community center? "Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free." -Starhawk. "There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about."-Margaret J. Wheatley. "In every community there is work to be done and wounds to heal. In every heart there is the power to do it." - Marianne Williamson. A community center often becomes just that, the center of a community. It becomes the place where from which everything else in the community can grow from. In the Enid GLBTQA Community we've often struggled to keep bars and clubs opened here. A community center can help to ensure that future bars and clubs as well as other businesses for our community do succeed. How? When the community embraces a community center and works to create and develop groups, programs, and activities that meet there, it encourages people to get involved, people who might not have otherwise gotten involved. A community center allows people to form relationships (friendships, working relationships, etc) and it helps people learn to trust each other. When a person interested in starting a new business, like a bar or club, becomes involved in the community center, they expand their networking base. They meet people they might not otherwise have met and in turn, they also get connected to the network of people that those at the center also have. This helps in the development of their dream, their business. Not only do they meet these people and gain networking purposes, but they gain potential employees and customers. The people at the community form a relationship with this person, they learn to understand this person, which brings about trust. Trust that will help develop them as customers. Once the person has established their business, the center doesn't cease to be a part of their life. In fact, the person may also start a program for future business owners or may just stay involved in groups and activities they are already involved in. The person also has an outlet to advertise their business, and since this is to people he already knows, they are likely to take an interest and want to support his endeavor. They, in turn, tell others at the community center about it as well as other people in their lives, who become customers of the business. These other people at the community center tell others, who tell others, who tell others, who tell others, and so the customer base continues to expand. But it all began because the business owner first built a relationship at the community with his future customers and even got them to share in his dream. The community center doesn't stop being the focal point of the community because it still is the first source of information about the business and other businesses and activities and the business owner doesn't stop participating in the community center, but may gain new ideas of how to be involved at the community center. The community center remains the center of the community with everyone in the community utilizing it in their lives, businesses, etc.

A community center brings people together. It allows people to form relationships with another as well as to work towards healing old relationships. It helps to foster trust and understanding in a community because it is a place that encourages discussion and interaction with the entire community. Whether you use the metaphor of a community center being like a house for a big family with the big family being the community or use the metaphor of a community center being like a church in that it is sacred place where everyone comes together for a common purpose...in this case the common purpose isn't religious, it is to come together to build relationships in community through developing and running of programs, groups, activities, etc that help, build, and strengthen our community. Unlike a business, the success of a community center relies on the community itself. What happens at a community center is dependent upon the people in the community. Unlike a business, the activities, programs, and groups are not products sold to customers, but instead are created internally by members of the community itself. Success for a community center is different also than a business. For a business to be successful it must make a lot of profit. For a community center to be successful, it must be accessible and available to everyone in the community.

Nature of Community (Blog: Originally posted May 27, 2010)

2010-08-20T04:19:00.001-07:00

“A community is a group of people who have come together, and they work and they live to try and improve the standard of living and quality of life for all in it.” -William Baldwin

You cannot spell the word community without the word unity. I do not believe that is by accident either. A community requires people to unite towards a common purpose, a common goal. Maybe the younger generation gets this far better than other generations, or maybe it is just easier to form community with strangers in a distant city with whom you see and greet on an irregular basis. I am not certain what caused the disunity of the community in the past, but I am certain that those in that community have not reconciled and put aside whatever caused the disunity for the greater good of the community itself.

“For a community to be whole and healthy, it must be based on people's love and concern for each other.” -Millard Fuller

Community requires sacrifice and it means deciding that something else is more important than yourself or what you want. It means looking beyond personal agendas and looking at the agenda of what is best for the community as a whole. PFLAG Enid is looking far into the future and isn’t just looking at things that are good for its members. It has looked at the entire community. And its members have made personal sacrifices of time, money, and energy to work towards these goals. Certainly because they are members of the community they will enjoy some of the benefits of their work, and yet some of the goals of the organization many of its members do not enjoy the benefits of because it does not directly relate to them. The community center is the biggest thing PFLAG Enid has done so far, but it is only a start of something so much bigger that PFLAG Enid hopes to do for the Enid GLBTQA Community. Are you aware that in many retirement communities and nursing homes GLBTQ people are often forced to go back into the closet? Two things have to be done, education to raise awareness of this and even the development of a retirement community and nursing home just for GLBTQ people here in Enid. From expanding the community center to not only house a health clinic, legal clinic, career clinic, youth space, internet café, and library, but to expanding it to house an art museum so local GLBTQ artists can showcase their work, a history museum so that the Enid GLBTQA community can preserve and remember its history, an archives, and of course the nursing home and retirement community….amongst so many things. That is a glimpse of the bigger picture PFLAG Enid has for the Enid GLBTQA Community.

And with the second annual Enid Pride event coming up and so many local entertainers wanting to perform and local businesses and people wanting to set up booths, we really felt like at least perhaps the local community would truly be representative at it’s own Pride event. And yet that may very well not be the case. It seems that disunity does not go away so easily and old ways die hard. It is easy to say that one understands that something is for the community, it is another to actually prove it and put aside one’s own personal interests and gains and make sacrifices for the greater good of the community. It is made all the more difficult by how very differently the generations in the community operate. Two sets of generations seem to distrust each other and so conflict ensues, a third generation is outside of the conflict, doesn’t understand why it exists, and cannot understand why it cannot be resolved. And doesn’t want to know what happened, but does want it resolved because they want to unite the community and make it stronger.

‘We must address and master the future together. It can be done if we restore the belief that we share a sense of community, that we share a common endeavor. It can be done.” -Barbara Jordan

Maybe the problem is a clear vision of the future together. Maybe the problem is not putting aside past differences. Maybe the problem is that everyone has different endeavors. Whatever is the source of the problem, the reality remains the same: disunity exists. However, there is the third generation and the generations beyond them counting on the other two generations to get it together, reconcile problems, and reclaim their rightful places in the greater community.

"Heroes are not giant statues framed against a red sky. They are people who say: This is my community, and it is my responsibility to make it better." -Studs Terkel

I was speaking with the person who leads the mentor program at the community center. I told him that I had been asked about the program by lots of young people who are seeking a mentor, but that I had only been asked by a very tiny handful of older people about actually becoming mentors. His reply was simple, he said that he felt that people just do not know how to truly talk to one another and to listen to one another and that that was the basis of the mentor program. I remembered after that about a YouTube video I had watched about a young man who was talking about his mentor in a video about a GLBT mentor program in some large US city. The young man said that his mentor was someone whom he looked up to and admired because he showed him what he could become, what all he could do with his life. That even though he was gay, he could still accomplish a lot. The older man in a separate part of the video said that he had often been told by the young man that he was like a father figure for him because of the fact that he did not grow up with a father and that when he heard this he realized how much of a difference his simply spending time talking, hanging out with, and listening to this young man really made a difference in his life. The scene cuts back to the young man where he says that while other kids his age probably have heroes like Spiderman or Superman, that for him his mentor is his hero.

"There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about." -- Margaret J. Wheatley

What does our community care about? What is its common endeavor? Do we have heroes for our younger generations? I’d like to think we know what we care about and what our common endeavors are, and I definitely want to believe that there are heroes out there for our younger generations. But there are times when I have doubts when I hear some of the things that come out of some people’s mouths, especially when it is words that come from the ego, that part of ourselves that asks “what’s in it for me?” That always worries me because I have personally invested so much into the community myself and I haven’t asked that question. Yet I’ve learned that what I get out being a part of the community is a greater sense of self worth and value, just being a part of the community and being there for the community makes me feel whole.

“In every community there is work to be done and wounds to heal. In every heart there is the power to do it.” - Marianne Williamson

I’ve been called an optimist many times, and I’m not surprised. I believe firmly that we can come together as a community, not for our own sake, but for the greater good of the community as a whole. I believe that if we can get past distrust, hurt feelings, and old ways of behaving, that we can overcome anything. Despite the disunity in the community, I believe that every person has the power to heal the wounds that cut so deep in a part of the community if they would only truly set down and, as the leader of the mentor program says, to truly, deeply listen to one another and deeply talk with one another and that that would lead to the entire community coming together to do all the work that is necessary. And imagine just all we could do, as a community, in unity. If scientific studies are correct about the percentage/ratio of the population that would be a part of the GLBTQ community then based upon the 2000 census for Enid: there should be 2,721 bisexual men, 2,268 gay men, 5 MTFs, 2,679 bisexual women, 2,192 lesbians, and 3 MTFs, 799 intersexed, and 705 asexuals. That brings the Enid GLBTQ Community population based upon the 2000 census to 11,372 (Enid’s population after the 2000 census was 47,045). No doubt the population has grown. The US Census Bureau is estimating Enid’s population after the 2010 election to be anywhere between 55,000-60,000 and with that increase means that the Enid GLBTQ community has also increased. Imagine what 11,372 people could do in this city if they were unified, imagine that number larger because of the numerous straight allies (which includes parents, family members, and friends) and just how much could truly be done. But we need unity in our community! “Nothing can stand in the way of a group of people that acts as one. Nothing.” Quote from the film The Power of One (1994).

Nate Bowen

If You Do Nothing, There Will Be Nothing (originally posted October 30, 2009)

2010-08-20T04:17:00.000-07:00

"It's the action, not the fruit of the action that is important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, nor in your time, that there will be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never even know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be nothing." -Mahatma Gandhi

Even the smallest actions have a profound impact. Some may inspire people to do even bigger, bolder actions. Some may simply bring joy to an individual. We never truly know what fruit our actions will bring into existence.

I've always liked the quote by Gandhi above. While his most famous quote is "Be the change you wish to see in the world", I think that even though this one is long, it is just as powerful. It is a reminder to everyone that what matters is not the results, but the actions that we take. That we may never see the results of all that we do, but that we must continue to do what we do regardless. It reminds us that if we do not act, then nothing changes.

The very first annual Enid Pride event was a huge success and people are still talking about it. Some are amazed it happened, some are still in shock, others elated that it happened and excited about next year. Yet had none of the people who made it happen done the work, then the event itself would never have happened. If we had done nothing, there would still be nothing.

Yet despite the success of Enid Pride, the fact that we set a record in our State for people attending a first pride event (300 people...the most at the first pride event in any city in our State), there are people who still don't think that we can do more and so they do not get involved. From the efforts to start the community center (which are plagued more by finding a location than they are with volunteers....though finances do account for a small part of the problem...if we had more money the space we get would be more towards what most people's expectations are, whereas we have a limited amount of money, that sometimes means that the location is somewhat under people's expectations).

Why a community center? Why have a center for GLBT people here in Enid, let alone one for straight allies? Why? Because a community center becomes just that....the center of a community. It becomes a rallying point, a socializing point, a news and information point....the center, the core of the community. It can be used by every diverse group within the GLBTQA community here in Enid, as well as groups and people we'd like to network with (building bridges is important as it links us into the greater community at-large). The center serves as a safe place. It serves as a place where new groups and organizations can emerge, where special events can be held, where businesses, organizations, and people can use to make connections, provide information, and more. It serves the community in so many ways.

In fact as we've began looking at the list of possible strategic goals our organization would like to undertake, having a community center makes a lot of these goals much easier.

Patience & Opportunity (Blog: originally posted June 23, 2009)

2010-08-20T04:16:00.003-07:00

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison

A person told me this evening that they had "just lost their passion". When asked why they said it was because of the lack of people who show up to some of the groups and in other cases the lack of involvement by some of the people who do occasionally show up. They said that just didn't see a point to all the work. I simply told the person to have patience.

I've always liked the quote above because it is so true. A lot of people have opportunities come their way, but they miss them because they aren't willing to put in the work, time, money, and energy it takes to acquire the opportunity. Then they often bemoan sometime in the future after the opportunity has passed how they wished they had just done what it took to seize the opportunity. The reality is we forget that if the opportunity came again we'd pass it up again because of the work involved.

Nothing in life was ever just handed to anyone. Nothing of real value to a person was ever obtained without struggle. If you truly want something to happen here in Enid, then you have to be willing to do the work it takes to make it happen, even if you it is only with a few people. Time is the marker of change and nothing that is lasting every changed overnight. It took time and energy.

As we come closer to the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots that sparked the GLBT Liberation & Equality movement into full gear I sometimes wonder if people realize all the work, sacrifices, energy, time, and money that people put in after the Stonewall Riots to build the national GLBT movement that exists today, let alone the individual chapters of groups like PFLAG and others that were set up throughout the nation by GLBT individuals, their parents, their family members, and their friends. 40 years later and we still do not have full equality under the law in our own nation, and yet we continue to fight on. Yet things are better today than they were at the time of the Stonewall Riots, and they are definitely better than they were before the riots. The people we remember for doing great things, from abolitiionists and civil rights activitists and others are all people who committed themselves to the cause and were patient. Some did not live to see the full result of their work and yet did not waver, did not stop. So while I understand that some people get impatient, it is important to remember that all the work that is done not only effects this generation, but generations after. The work we do today opens doors for generations below us.

Hope (Blog: originally posted June 23, 2009)

2010-08-20T04:16:00.001-07:00

"You cannot live on hope alone, but without hope life is not worth living" -Harvey Milk

In a city like Enid there is very often a shortage of hope, especially amongst the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, and straight allies here. I often wonder what it takes to give them back that hope. Despite all evidence to the contrary, so many here still do not see all the changes that are happening around them here and elsewhere in the nation. The world is changing around them and yet their eyes are still covered in a veil of fear.

"Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense regardless of how it turns out." -Vaclav Havel

With the upcoming Pride event there are a lot of people who keep talking about its failure. The event hasn't even happened yet and the people who haven't even been completely involved all this time with its planning are seeing failure. Yet, they miss the very point of the event at all. It is happening and that, in itself, is reason for hope. Whether the event fails to meet expectations or surpasses them is insignificant to the fact that the event is happening at all. That there indeed sponsors, speakers, entertainers, and more coming to the event. The meetings now seem mostly boring with us going over the finer details to make sure that the little things are taken care of. All the big things have been taken care of and that can make a person who just now starts to show up, a month before the event, think that we aren't doing much at all. Yet so much of the work....the paperwork, the phone calls, the letters, the money, etc, etc, etc. All of that was taken care of months ago. Those were not the things to take care of at the last minute.

"Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, work for it, and fight for it." -Barack Obama

There is a small committed group of people here who have dedicated their time and money and energy to making the Pride event happen, to make the PFLAG meetings, the Rainbow Youth meetings, and all the other groups that meets. These people have made the reality of the community center come together, the reality of CrossWalk United Church, the only open and affirming church in Enid, to come to reality and even the Enid UU. While each person is involved in their own way in each of these things, it is because they insist that these are things that make Enid and the lives in Enid better and so they are reaching for it, working for it, and fighting for it. They are sacrificing for it.

Yet there are still those in this city that remained uninvolved and uncommitted, afraid of the unknown. They take the glory for the work they did not do (and are not even involved or members of the groups) when these groups are praised, and yet judge and criticize these groups and wish them failure in the inbetween times.

It is frustrating to be so committed and involved and to see all the hard work and dedication that a few do only to have a larger number of people who are even afraid to be identified as GLBTQA that they would constantly seek to ridicule these people's efforts, sacrifices, and dedication. From ridiculing the straight allies who formed CrossWalk United Church and saying that the church will never survive, that nobody will go to a church "like that", to people saying to us at Pride meetings "and after you've failed at this attempt......."

But to those that say that we have failed or our failing or going to fail I say to you that we have already succeeded. You missed the entire point of the Pride event and PFLAG or even CrossWalk United Church. All of us involved know that it does make a difference, even if it doesn't make a difference to you. There mere acknowlegdement of that which in this city is so often unaknowedged is success. The mere relationships that PFLAG Enid has built in the process of planning this event, going to summits and conferences, and being involved civically in the city is bringing hope to people. And while you cannot yet see all the results from the work, we know, from our relationships with other PFLAG chapters throughout the United States and Canada as well as other organizations, we know the results and we know that it takes time for it all to fully shown.

Courage To Walk (Blog: originally posted May 27, 2009)

2010-08-20T04:15:00.003-07:00

"Readiness to fall is the courage to walk." -Paramahamsa Sri Nithyananda Swamiji

I was having a discussion a few days ago and the person I was talking to asked me about what would happen if no one showed up at the Pride event so many of us have worked so hard to plan. I answered "those who have planned will still be there, we will still enjoy the event even if others do not come." The person went on with many other things that we're working on here in Enid and came up with all kinds of questions about what if these fail. "At least we tried" I would answer him.

Sometimes I find that there are many people who are so concerned about failing, that they never bother to do anything. The quote above is from a Hindu spiritual teacher that I think brings home something we often forget: that everything in life is full of risk. Sometimes the risk of failure is small and sometimes the risk of failure is high. In the case of all that we're doing the risk of failure is moderate. It isn't low, as there is still many possibilities that all that we could may not work out, but at the same time it is not high as there is already people involved and sharing the risk.

Sharing the risk is what lowers the likelyhood of failure. The more who are involved in the success of something, the more likely it will succeed because more people are motivated to make it successful and will work together. These people who join in and take on the risk are oftens very aware of the fact that it may not work out, that even after they do all they can....it may still fail. And yet they are willing to take that risk. And in the case of those people who have gone on in life to be successful in some way, it is their willingness to learn from their mistakes and continually take a risk that ensured that their success.

It is easy to be scared of failing. However, accepting that you can fail is not a bad thing. Recognizing that things can fail and still taking the risk, whether it is putting time or money into a project or a relationship, that gives the courage you need to move forward. It is not that I think that all that I do will fail, but I am aware that failure is possible. I do not work to have all that I do fail, but I realize that despite my own efforts things can still fail. It can be humbling to know such things.

As we come into this world we are feeble babies unable to walk on two legs, but at some point as we start to grow, we gain the courage to risk walking on two legs. We take the risk of falling, hitting our head on objects, scrapping our knees, etc. We take that risk and eventually, at some point, we are able to walk on those two feet. We don't give up then and we shouldn't be so willing to give up now later in life as challenges face us just because there is a chance we may fail. We should always at least try. In the words of Yoda from the Star Wars films "Do or do not, there is no try." Indeed, to try means that we either do it or do not. If we let the fear of failure keep us from doing anything, we will accomplish nothing.

Planting Trees (Blog: originally posted May 24, 2009)

2010-08-20T04:15:00.001-07:00

"One generations plants the trees. Another generation enjoys the shade." Chinese Proverb

There is so much happening here in Enid for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, queers, and straight allies that sometimes we don't really stop to realize it all. As we continue to move forward I hope that people will keep in mind that everything we do is just planting trees, to use a metaphor from the proverb above. We may not plant a forest, but we have started planting trees so that other generations can enjoy the shade they will bring and can continue to plant trees. We have began our work in a treeless place and as we plant trees like PFLAG, RYAN, EHS GSA, CrossWalk, Enid UU, the community center, annual pride event, and all the rest it is important that we make sure that we do not forget to let others in to helping.

This month has brought us many new people who have wanted to join us. We have been excited by their desire to be involved and the level of involvement some have brought. But we are also realistic that many people only have time for a few of the many things happening. It is important that we just remember to keep everyone informed and to let them know that it is okay if they are not able to make it to everything that is happening. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we're doing that we forget to let them know that we understand that there are other things happening in their lives just as there are other things happening in our own. Let's keep our focus on remembering that we are planting trees and that the more people we have helping to plant those trees....even if they just help plant one tree....is a reward not just for us now, but for generations to come who will enjoy its shade.

Whenever you get discouraged, just remember that what we do now effects the future. The past is history, the future is unkown, but we do have now. So let's be in the now, let's enjoy what is happening and the work that we do and remember that it is important even right now. There is a Hindu prayer to the dawn written by Kalidasa that begins with the words:
"Look to this day, for it is life!"
And then concludes with:
"For tomorrow is but a dream and tomorrow only a vision. But today, well lived, makes every dream one of happiness and every vision one of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day."
While we focus on the future and the shade the trees we plant will bring (to go back to the symbolsim), let's remember that trees aren't planted in the past or the future, they are planted in the now.

So come on, let's go plant some trees!!!!

Courage Is Not The Absence Of Fear (Blog: originally posted May 24, 2009)

2010-08-20T04:14:00.005-07:00

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." -Ambrose Redmoon

Sometimes I wonder if people realize what is happening all around them. Obama, our current President, inspired people long before he was even a politician or an author. He went into his community and worked to make it better. And during his time as candidate for President of the United States he inspired millions of diverse people to believe in the power of change. But I sometimes wonder if anyone here in my home town actually heard the words and even for a moment pondered what was actually being said.

During the election I heard more times than I cared to keep count that there was no way Obama would win the election. It couldn't be done. And even if he did win, something bad would happen before he could be inaugurated so what was the point. The sounds of defeatism, not cynicism...defeatism. A cynic would argue that if what we put our hope in does happen, we may be disappointed. A defeatists argues there is nothing for us to even put our hope into. My hometown seems to be filled with lots of defeatists.

As we move towards PFLAG Enid's one year anniversary...yes we've been in operation for one year, I pause to remember the words spoken to me by people as the creation of PFLAG came about. People told me that a group like PFLAG "couldn't exist in Enid", "would never make it past one month", "wouldn't make any difference", and even "they (the national office) wouldn't want a chapter here." Well, they did want a chapter here and helped us every step of the way to make it a reality. We did make it past one year. We do exist. And for those that say we aren't making any difference I dare you to come to a meeting sometime and listen to the stories of the young people, the parents, the friends, the straight allies, and more who show up there. Listen to them tell their stories about what they've gone through in life and what the mere existence of our group here in Enid means to them. For those that thought we wouldn't make a difference, consider the Pride event we've planned for July. There are lots of people very excited that we're even having an event here.

But even with all our successes, there are still people out there who let fear speak. They write to us often saying things like "I'd love to come to one of your meetings, but I'm afraid of (insert reason)". The reality is, change is happening here in Enid. Things are happening here in Enid. All around us, whether you are a part of any of it or not, it's happening. We have local support, Statewide support, and national support....we're not alone. And with all the help we have, is it any wonder that things are really happening.

Still I hear over and over again the defeatists who argue that it can't happen, can't be done, and even if it is done something bad will still happen. To them, there is nothing more important than fear. Fear rules the very essence of their life. You only have to face death once to realize that you can overcome fear.

People sometimes ask me or others that are involved either locally or elsewhere "How do you find the courage?" Really, we probably wouldn't even think of ourselves as brave, let alone courageous. And we never really stopped to think about it as courage. Keep in mind, we have fears like everyone else. The difference is not that the fear is gone, but that we've realized that there is something more important than the fear itself. That something is what motivates us to do what we do. It is what gets us up in the morning and what stays with us as we lay our head to sleep at night.

You cannot hear someone's story, a GLBT person living here in Enid, the parent or family member of a GLBT person, or even a friend of a GLBT person and not be moved by their words. How could you just sit back and decide that fear is more important? I hear their stories, I know my story, and I am moved into action. The fear I have is always there, but I know that something more important exists than any fear. And while fear would make you think you are alone if you should step out from it's grasp, the reality is you are not alone. I am not alone. There are people here in Enid who decided that something is more important than fear and they stepped out, too, and we've discovered that we are not alone.

Why (Blog: originally posted May 6, 2009)

2010-08-20T04:14:00.003-07:00

Why?

I get ask this a lot. It’s a simple word, but it is a powerful word. With that single word people inquire about all that I do for the GLBT Community here in Enid as well as for others. They inquire about the time, resources, and money that I personally devote to the cause here in Enid. For some they ask in disbelief, for others they ask in concern. It’s a great word, a great question. Why?

Some seem to think it is about my ego. That I am doing it all to somehow make myself known. Truth be told I am happiest when I am not in the spotlight and able to just do the work: talk and listen with others, share ideas, handle details, and all the other things that come with the work. I don’t care about fame or glory. I don’t care about having my name chanted and shouted or carved on some edifice. That is not why I do it all.

I grew up in Enid. I went to school here, the rural school district here that my neighborhood was a part of. The school isn’t very diverse at all and a gay kid there certainly doesn’t fit in. But being gay isn’t the only problem. Being different in any way will get you all kinds of attention in a school like that and I was lucky to make it through and graduate from the school district. It was after this, when I first began meeting others like me and realizing that this city was full of diverse groups of people, not just GLBT people, but people of different faith groups, ethnic, racial, and other types of groups…that I suddenly realized the reality of the city I lived in. But all of that is often hidden or marginalized, especially GLBT people.

It was with the GLBT people that we would sit and talk about moving away, making a life for ourselves elsewhere. And some of us have done that and not come back, and some of us have done that and come back, and some have never left. Those who often stay will take different courses. Some will marry and hide in the shadows of seeming to be heterosexual while the reality underlies the entire marriage. Some of these marriages the couples know fully about each other, while others one is living a secret life from the spouse. Some just go back into the closet as a single person, others live openly where they can, but have to segregate their life so that in some places with some people they can talk about this part of their life and in other places with other people another part of their life. Only a few do they feel they can share the wholeness of their life with.

It was in my coming back to Enid that I experienced lots of things that surprised me. Parents who would come up to me while I was standing in line somewhere and talk about their kid coming out to them, or young adults coming up to me and talking about how alone they often felt because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Over and over again I heard from people expressing needs and at the time my only thought to answer was to talk about what other cities had to offer. And time and time again I would hear the same thing “I wish we had something like that in Enid.” That got me to thinking about why we don’t have something like that in Enid. And so I kept thinking about it until it occurred to me that the reason such things are not here in Enid is not because Enid cannot have them or should not have them, but because no one has dared to get it started. And so with that, that is what I have done. To get things started here.

I see no reason that parents of GLBT people should feel isolated when they are not alone in a city this size. I see no reason why GLBT people should feel ashamed, hurt, and scared when there are plenty of others here just like them. I see no reason for the suicide rates to be so high here, many who are most likely GLBT related as GLBT suicide rates are higher than any other statistic. I see no reason that drug abuse and alcoholism should be so high, much of it amongst those struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identity or are the parents, family members, or friends of GLBT people. I see no reason for the reality of these people’s lives to continue to go unnoticed in this city.

What gives me hope is that I see more and more people coming out younger and younger. And yet what worries me is that unlike in other places, here there is no community of support there to catch them should they fall. That they will come out, find no one there to support them, and either commit suicide, turn to alcohol and drugs, or retreat into themselves and the closet again until either they die or able to move away and find what they need.

Why. It’s a powerful word and a powerful question. As powerful as my passion to build a community of support here for GLBT people, their parents, their friends, their family members. I’m not afraid to do this work. I do not do it for me, my ego, or some spotlight. I do it because it is there to be done.

As a practicing Hindu, one of the goals of life is to do one’s dharma, or duty. One knows what one’s dharma is because it is put before you to do. Time and time again I heard the stories, felt their pain, suffering, sorrow and yet have been there also for their joy. I have sat at our group meetings listening to people tell their stories, share about their daily lives…..I have seen the difference this work is doing in our community and in the lives of people. It is not my work, it is our work…all of us, if you will but take up the burden to do the duty that has been placed before you. There is so much here to do that no one person could ever do it all. I simply do my dharma, my duty, that has been placed before me to do.

That is why I do what I do. That is why I devote so much to it. There is work to be done, it has been placed before us to do it. I see no reason to ignore the work any longer. I simply do the work that is there before me to do. In the Bhagavad-Gita it says that we must act without expectation of rewards, for even that is attachment that binds us to karma. I seek no rewards, I expect no rewards. There is only the work to be done.

Nate Bowen
Wednesday, May 6, 2009